I know I posted before that I had no idea what kind of future I would have but I wasn’t completely honest. I really didn’t know what kind of future I was going to have but I also always rushed it. I had a flashback of being five years old at school and singing my own made up to tune “I can’t wait…I can’t wait…I can’t wait til I get six!” Why couldn’t I wait? I have no idea. It wasn’t as if you got free cookies if you were six or you got to pick who read to you or you could spend all day doing pudding painting if you were six. All these things were true when I was five. So why six?
At fifteen I had a reason to be anxious for sixteen. I could legally (by legally, I mean in the parental judicial system) date! I could go out on dates and get boy phone calls and all that. Oh the joy! Except the boy I was dating turned out to be an asshole and ended up dating my then best friend two years later. So much for that business. The silver lining was that I got a great boyfriend after that and spent a year and a half in a relationship that would definitely be a marker for all to follow (even if we didn’t work out, it was a great time)…did I follow? Well, it took a few years for me to really put that standard up like my Right On Posters but eventually I would (ahem, fourteen years later but who’s counting? Wait, I am…nevermind).
At eighteen I left the house to go to college in New York. But I could’ve left the house at seventeen to go to college too. So that was a bust. I didn’t get carded when I was twentyone and enjoying my first escargot at a village restuarant that was BOB (hammered on white wine and good friends…that was the best). From that point on, the milestones kind of died down until I hit my Saturn Return at twenty-seven and spent a few years under a crazy dark cloud of WTF? and emerged as a thirty year old in another relationship that would kind of define me in a different way as I’d never lived with anyone before and it had been years since a man kind of said he wanted to marry me with some spark of truth to it even if it kind of puckered out in the end.
So now I hit the mid-30s and I’m in a great relationship that makes me feel like I’m a human with with some superpowers that appear when needed which is always great because maybe that’s what we are supposed to be. Humans with some super powers that appear when they need to. All this to say something that I told Alyse (the wonder webber who designed this home you’re reading) the other day: Every moment has a purpose. We learn, laugh, love, hurt in moments so rushing them seems a bit like we’re bound to miss something. Almost like whatever high power you might believe in (sometimes for me, it’s my Dad who is very close with God now - like I imagine them watching football together) says, “Relax, ma. I got this.”
Enjoy my birthday as if it were yours!
PS
The “relax” is not so original. I stole it from Scott. But I like to say I “share” it with him. 