So every Wednesday day, joy comes into my email inbox and now I’m going to start sharing.

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

Freshly-Minted Wednesday One-Liners

Annoying Jersey girl on cell: I’m not frugal. I’m, like, not frugal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to consider money.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Hobo

Columbia University administrator: It gets difficult to manage finances as your endowment reaches the size of the GDP of a small country.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Senatore

Bike messenger (yelling): Could anybody spare $50,000?

–6th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: thiess

Man: I mean, what does does she *really* get out of riding a five thousand dollar scooter?

–Outside Think Coffee

Overheard by: nemily

Suit on cell: You see, the thing with money counters is they jam…and when you are in a roomful of illiterate afghans, there’s 8 million on the table and they mistrust you.

–Mercer & Grand

Professor: I bet none of you wrote that in your admissions essay. “I want money.” Actually, that might be successful. They might think, “hey, that’s pretty cool, they’re telling the truth.”

–NYU Law
10 Bucks Says He Falls to His Death in a Reflecting Pool

Little boy, singing and dancing: I’m too sexy for my skin, too sexy to be here, too sexy for this train. Oh yeah!
20-something woman: Stop it! Be quiet!
(train doors open)
Little boy, yelling: I’m gorgeous! (taunts 20-something woman and other passengers with a teddy bear, throwing his arms in the air) I’m gorgeous!

–R Train
Wednesday One-Liners Win the Door Prize

N train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, “stand clear of the closing doors” does not mean “throw yourself into the closing doors inflicting bodily harm to yourself.”

–N Train

Sassy male train conductor: Yo! Release the doors so the train can leave the station! There’s another train behind this one. We can wait here all day, ladies and gentlemen, I’m already at work. (pause) Okay, well it seems that people just aren’t ready to move yet! Oh…oh…there we go! Well done! How about a round of applause?

–A Downtown Express

Train conductor over loudspeaker: We’re having a problem with the doors. That’s not me closing them on you. These doors have a mind of their own.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please stand clear of the closing doors. If I catch you holding the doors open, I will push you off the train and if you don’t die, then you’ll have to catch the next one.

–NJ Transit

Irate conductor: Ladies and gentleman, putting your baby stroller between the closing doors is a wonderful way to show your child that you care. It will also save on college tuition. There will be another q train, but there will never be another baby like that one. Please stand clear of the closing doors.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Himani
Jeez, Who Wouldn’t Want Devastating Vortices?

Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that’s a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I’d used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you’d just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we’re already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)

–6 Train

Overheard by: Lynne
Who Says New Yorkers Can’t Be Gracious?

White guy, yelling to friends: Yo, where are you going? The train is this way!
Random black guy: It’s not the fucking train! It’s the fucking subway!
White guy: I live in Queens, I know what it’s called.
Black guy: You white people are so fucking stupid. You go into the subway to get on a fucking train!
White girl: Well then it’s a train!
Black guy: Fuck you, bitch!
White guy: Don’t call her a bitch! You don’t even know her!
Black guy, getting in their face: Fuck you, nigga! And fuck her! (pause) Wait…have you guys been drinking?
White guy: Yeah.
Black guy: Never mind, then. I was just fucking around. We cool?
(black and white guys laugh about it, shake hands, go their separate ways)

–Union Square

Overheard by: go rangers!

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