There is a reason for the current stage of my life. For some reason, because I’m in a relationship that’s long distance and my “husband” has various reasons for being where he is. Every month or so, the fantastic (and I mean that because it’s well cultivated being an only child) imagination in my cauldron of a head cooks up some pretty amazing stories that could lead one to either reckless Waiting to Exhale Jr. type adventures or to carry immense sadness in my heart for love and the state of the world. That’s when “husband” and I hash it out. It’s the same conversation: what are we doing, why are we doing, how are we doing, are we doing, when are we doing, who are we? Some new things like pretty weeds grow into the new conversations every so often like me growing fearless of the future, me having some dedication to this union (you don’t have to file a marriage license to be married people - keep the government out of your house as much as possible…your God isn’t in government)despite how it looks on paper, me calling out bullshit, he fearlessly protecting the little boy inside that has gone through so much.

The cycle will be boring to you but this is what I want to really focus on. My cauldron of imagination stew that may get me into trouble if I don’t recognize the pattern. While it’s true that somebody could go left without some kind of stimuli, why does one relay on someone else to give it to them? I know when you have a mate, there’s this idea of what they are “supposed” to do but that word is so damned dangerous that I’m sure it’s caused tragic devastation across the world in various forms. I think you’re allowed to ask for you want and what for an answer instead of just expecting all the time. True of yourself too….stop expecting yourself to respond certain ways. For me, it’s as if I got a Master’s Degree without ever leaving kindergarten. I keep forgetting myself.