Okay lately I have been staring at myself in the head and realizing that it’s quite possible I could be a failure. You must understand that, like most of you, I had big dreams for myself as a kid. I was going to be a rockstar Toni Morrison, a character out of a Gayl Jones novel, a descendent of Nona Hendrix. Words were going to pour out of my mouth like cherries from that lady’s mouth in “The Witches of Eastwick.” I was going to crap stories.
As evident by time and life (not the books you can buy from TV), I have evidently gone the way of the safe samurai. I am an office worker. Now, being an executive assistant is hard. I’ve done it most of my adult working life. I’ve worked with some crazies (they tend to be loaded, powerful and come from high level familes–I will NOT name names) and some GREAT human beings (current boss included as well as the fabulous Diane Fusilli at M.Boothe and Associates anad all of my peeps from Sundance Channel — Stuart Benson, Rob Sussman, etc). I’ve traveled a little. I am Anne Hathaway in “Devil Wears Prada” without the drama or the meanness. The work is just that hard.
But it’s not what I dreamed of.
It’s never too late. I don’t necessarily think you can’t work and be a writer. There is a misconception about that. Human beings have been multitasking for millions of years. Not effectively multi-tasking is where you hit a snag. You have to write to be a writer and you’ll never get so big that you won’t need to sharpen your skills.
My point to this post is this: I need more discipline to call myself an artist. I think we are missing that nowadays. Yeah, it’s cool you can pick up a DV cam and shoot your own movie but, if kidnapped and held hostage, could you watch your movie over and over and over again? It’s also cool that your boy has a studio and you laid down some beats you “borrowed” from Pharrell and Mahalia Jackson but did you do it because it was dope or because you tried to increase your numbers on MySpace? Okay, you sent your manuscript to Cafe Press and it came back all shiny with its well drawn out ghetto art cover but have you really thought about why I should read it?
Where’s the woodshed in our creative process? At which point does the jury in our head get to review material before we unleash it to the public? Perhaps it’s a symptom that I think is common nowadays, particularly for myself. I don’t think enough before I say something. Are we not thinking enough before our art says something? You don’t have to go to a ritzy school in order to think out your own meaning. You can have a Master’s Degree from Me, Myself and I University and it will work just as well.
As Yaze says, sometimes the world needs more plumbers and everybody can’t be the just the artist.
Normally I say this is a ramble but what it really is a real release on what I thought I should be and acceptance at this point for what I am. I am in progress. My writing is always in progress. It will be what it is. I’m gonna step to the side and stop measuring my “success” against other people’s success and quick fixes.
If you’re feeling this post, pop on over to a website that will let you grab Hugh Prather’s “Notes On Myself.” It will change your life in an hour (if you read that pace).
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basically, we live in an era where art is confused with hobby. an artist is trained and/or inspired and/or blessed.
a hobbyist finds the art interesting and dabbles. there are many cases when the twain meet and wow you have genius or excellence.
at present, i am tired of non-theoretical; dishonest; untrained or unqualified; no love for art… artists.
have one of the four please, or a combo.
in my un-humble opinion, an artist should at least have goal! a want beyond the buck. now my expensive ass is not saying be poor, i am saying have more in the mental and soul than bank.
and above all: learn about the art form. this way, you can create a reality around your art, based in history; based in theory/training. now when you do a chord movement; or a color scheme; or, certain movie style it will not be based on whim but on knowledge…
… then u can break down and away from what you learned…
cuz hell after we learn the rules it is sooo artistic to break them!!!
-tai (vicelounge baby)
Comment by tai (vicelounge) — January 24, 2007 @ 5:31 am
oh and darlin…
u aint no failure! i was there.
i can testify.
-tai
Comment by tai — January 24, 2007 @ 5:32 am
The Tureka Tara Turk I knew was never a failure! She was an inspired, social, and dedicated sista who did need her momma to pull out that belt every now and then. I know that whatever the years have brought, she can and should be as successful as she wants and works to be. Drop me a line when you get a chance.
Beth Wynne (remember me from our joint hell above the Metropolis Cafe)
bw370@yahoo.com
Comment by Beth — February 5, 2007 @ 1:54 pm